Obituary of Phillip R. Hand

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

Our beloved Phillip Ryan Hand died on Monday, September 16, 2019. While his death was unexpected, Phillip suffered from opioid addiction. Over the last 2 years, he worked relentlessly to stay sober and we believed as we always did, that he would overcome this disease to make the life for himself that he wanted and deserved. We believed this until the moment he took his last breath. But addiction stalked him and stole him once again; this time, taking his life.

The youngest of three children, Phillip was born on March 8, 1975 in Laurel Lake, NJ, but grew up in Marmora and Vineland, NJ where he lived throughout most of his adult life. As a young adult, he also spent many years in Richmond, VA with his older brother, Gary, and his family.

Phillip was a very bright, gentle kid, who could problem solve and fix almost anything with a circuit board or a motor. But he struggled with paralyzing shyness and was bullied by many as a result. Early in his teens, drugs promised an escape and so began his life with addiction. He loved to be outdoors, especially at the beach or near to any lake. He played numerous sports as a child, but really was a homebody; instead preferring to read, draw, tinker, and spend time with his close friends, family, and his many adopted pets.

It is impossible to capture a person in an obituary, and especially someone whose adult life was largely defined by drug addiction. To some, Phillip was just a junkie, or a criminal, or a thief — when they saw his addiction, they didn't see him. What a loss for them because Phillip was kind, and warm, and funny, and thoughtful, and loyal, and hopeful, and determined, and resilient. He believed that everyone had potential for change and that everyone deserved forgiveness. He was adored as a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, an uncle, a friend, and a partner. Being loved by Phillip was a gift.

Phillip is survived by his mother, Linda Horan, of Vineland, NJ; his partner Audrey Desns, of Vineland, NJ; his father, Gary B. Hand, Sr. and his wife, Dorothy, of Vero Beach, Florida; his brother Gary B Hand, Jr. and his wife, Lisa, of Richmond, VA; his sister Dana Hand Evans, and her husband, Patrick H. Evans, of Winchester, VA; his beloved nieces and nephews, Ethan Patrick Evans of Denver, CO; Julia D. Sloan and her husband, Michael, of Okinawa, Japan; Mary Elizabeth Evans, of Richmond, VA; Macklin A. Hand, of Richmond, VA; and his great-nephew, William Hudson Hand, of Richmond, VA; and his many uncles, aunts, and cousins on both coasts and everywhere in-between. He is predeceased by his grandparents, William and Janice Hand, and Elentere and Viola Anna Musto; as well as his eldest nephew, William Cain Hand.

Please join us for a memorial service honoring Phillip's life on Saturday, October 19, at 5 p.m., at New Hope United Methodist Church at 2018 Newcombtown Road, Millville, NJ. In lieu of flowers, please consider donating to New Hope's campaign to build a gymnasium for afterschool youth and evening family programs, or to the Higher Places Ministry, in Vineland, NJ, a place where Phillip spent time and felt supported. Donations can be made via websites at www.newhopemillville.org or www.higherplacesministry.org

Arrangements are by DeMarco-Luisi Funeral Home, 2755 S. Lincoln Ave., Vineland. Memories, thoughts and prayers may be extended to the family by visiting dlfuneral.com.

We take comfort in knowing that in death Phillip has found the grace and peace he so longed for in his earthly life.

Sadly, this obituary is one of thousands that are the end result of addiction. Each weaves a different story with identical thread, but in each story there is a beacon of determined hope that the ending will change. So, as recited in many chronicles that have come before Phillip's:

If you are reading this with judgment, educate yourself about this disease. It is not a choice or a weakness. No one chooses this disease. Chances are very good that someone you know is struggling with addiction, and that person needs and deserves your empathy and support.

If you are reading this and are struggling with addiction, know that every day brings a fresh start. There are hundreds of thousands of families that have lost someone they love to this disease, and we are all cheering for you. Know that we believe that you can and will make it because it is never too late.